soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
