My room smells like vodka and shame
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
