I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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