That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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