I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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