By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize