there's paper in my vomit.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize