so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
there is glitter all over my balls
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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