So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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