Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
