I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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