Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
