Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Less talking, more tequila
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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