make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
