she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
