Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
