his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
