You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize