Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
