I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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