All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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