You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
love makes seman taste better
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
