Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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