I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
