i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
