They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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