then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I AM VODKA MAN
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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