I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
