You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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