She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize