So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize