He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
