1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
