i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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