my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
