what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
