seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
