i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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