so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
