I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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