She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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