I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's blow job season.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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