It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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