It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
