in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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