hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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