Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
