Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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