So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
