SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
