Reggie can tackle my bush.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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