I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
