Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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