i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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