"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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