I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
