I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
