is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
