guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
