dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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