Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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