and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
