I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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