Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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