she woke up with a sticky ear
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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