And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
