Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
